My
entire life I have been pondering what I really wanted to do. I wanted to know what line of work
would truly make me happy for the rest of my life. I had been jostling over a few ideas but two always seemed
to reoccur in my thoughts. I was
always able to see myself doing those things for the rest of my life. One was an engineer; I had a particular
fascination with building things.
My blocks and Legos were undeniably my favorite of all toys. I loved to make things but hated to
take them apart. I would always
look at my creations and attempted to improve them anyway I could. For the majority of my life when a
person asked what I wanted to be when I grew up it was an engineer. I never knew what kind I wanted to be,
but an engineer I wanted to become.
By forth grade my mother even gave up on asking me what I wanted to be
she knew the answer was an engineer.
However, these aspirations would soon be shaken by the thought of
becoming a doctor. There were so
many great things about becoming a doctor. Helping people was always a good thing, it had a great
social aspect, and the money was not bad either. The problem with the doctor route was the massive amounts of
school, reading, and studying. I
was not a big fan of reading and I do not want to say I was smart but I never
had to study. I knew that that
long, studious journey would be exceedingly difficult for me. The event that shaped my career path
was discovering my aunt had multiple sclerosis.
This is a very good intro, you start with how bounce from one idea to another, and then end with a one fold thesis that as you said "shaped your career path". Also, is very chronological starting as a young child with legos, then entering the fourth grade still wanting to be some type of engineer. The intro is also personal where you state that the long studious journey would be a challenge considering you've never needed to study. All in all i find this to be a very good introductory to your essay.
ReplyDeleteI like your intro in the way that it is very simple and chronological and shows how you thought about what you wanted to be through childhood.There isn't much i really find wrong with the introduction but i do feel that the intro should have a bit more about the deciding event that made you make your final decision and i know you say it in the very end of the introduction and that's fine but it for some reason seems out of place to me next to the introduction you have written.
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